Through clenched teeth and eyes that well up with insipidity
I smile for today.
I smile seeing lines of pain in everything I come across
The letters, the pictures, the unspoken lies
With knot in throat I sing bird songs
and cackling melodies to the trees that will listen
I beg them for wisdom for lessons
sometimes reprieve
I smile
I smile with empty belly and sick womb
who speaks back to me in smells I recognize
I smile for locks that strangle
For arrogance that outshines my pride
for guilt and pain that rides my spirit Stallion like
With snot drops from noses and
eyes crusted from medically induced sleep
I smile
I smile for giving up personality
to please other
For letting spirit slip away in return for
failures and incapability's
I smile for the eyes of women who watch
and smile haughtily with incredulous glances
I smile wondering if they even know I am broken
That my pain is not tangible
and no matter how heavy the spike of their heal
they cannot drill me any further into the grave
I smile for the colors, for the sanguine stains on old white
sheets now turned rustic brown
I smile for the creation of life
For the beginnings of ends
With teeth clenching knot in throat
I smile
I smile for today knowing
I fight alone.
I smile for forgetfulness
For pointed fingers
I smile screams between the cracks of my lips
With bag in hand I smile for leaving behind
what was once good
for something that has always been bad.
I smile at photos in my inbox
that drown in color of disregard
I smile knowing I have no clue where to begin
picking up the strewn splinters
of a life I no longer
recognize as me.