Through clenched teeth and eyes that well up with insipidity
I smile for today.
I smile seeing lines of pain in everything I come across
The letters, the pictures, the unspoken lies
With knot in throat I sing bird songs
and cackling melodies to the trees that will listen
I beg them for wisdom for lessons
sometimes reprieve
I smile
I smile with empty belly and sick womb
who speaks back to me in smells I recognize
I smile for locks that strangle
For arrogance that outshines my pride
for guilt and pain that rides my spirit Stallion like
With snot drops from noses and
eyes crusted from medically induced sleep
I smile
I smile for giving up personality
to please other
For letting spirit slip away in return for
failures and incapability's
I smile for the eyes of women who watch
and smile haughtily with incredulous glances
I smile wondering if they even know I am broken
That my pain is not tangible
and no matter how heavy the spike of their heal
they cannot drill me any further into the grave
I smile for the colors, for the sanguine stains on old white
sheets now turned rustic brown
I smile for the creation of life
For the beginnings of ends
With teeth clenching knot in throat
I smile
I smile for today knowing
I fight alone.
I smile for forgetfulness
For pointed fingers
I smile screams between the cracks of my lips
With bag in hand I smile for leaving behind
what was once good
for something that has always been bad.
I smile at photos in my inbox
that drown in color of disregard
I smile knowing I have no clue where to begin
picking up the strewn splinters
of a life I no longer
recognize as me.

There is something to be made
from this all
something to be torn from serrated
edges of dreams
Skin folded in so tight it locks in spirit
and conviction

Losing itself in the rising of saline tides
it reaches for sharpened scraps
of metal anything to
puncture and drain the captive
to let flow what once lived
freely from each vesture

Cry
Cry and someone will hear
Rip Clothes off skin
beg strange hands to grip
you firmly glide fingers
where they don't belong
bat tongues against wet skin
anything it whispers
just capture me again
hold me so i cant slip
Like old tattered fishing nets
like run in stocking

Burnt skin shrivels up like candy wrap
The sun keeping its gaze
until he's turned in for the night
Though body feels red hot
curry spice on cinnamon brown
Now turned coffee bean
it sits basted in aloe for reprieve
A pain premeditated to be received
but anything it whispers
Just capture me
hold me so I don't slip
Like old tattered fish nets
Like run in mamas stocking

The sound of leather boots
grind in ear root that will listen
he pears out of window
sees it coming
like ghost in trance
to dance like fire fly beams
in midnight Georgia sky

Door swings open
blazed eyes peer out
it drops grabbing ashy ankles
a riffled head of locks spring
it sporadic swirls
smell of sleep sits between them

inquisitions burst form mouth
a battle cry to the heavens
tell me little one
he says
cackling spit in throat
breath held in momentary suspension
and life exits room
he chants to bring it back
she slips fingers through labyrinth
she is as bewildered as he
he cannot save them both

Ma Eternal

It is at times like these
when cascades of sunlight penetrate
red and gold
peachy yellow
that I long to see camel eyes

I cannot see you but I know
where your head rests
I know why your smile never reaches its potential
Why your guilt overflows
Why you cannot practice natures
gift of maternal instinct

I spent years awry.
resentment being my stone to pitch
and I cast them once in a while
to your feet
gently enough not bruise flesh
hard enough to make you feel its presence

And now
now I miss those lessons
Those hands of creative ingenuity
That voice
deepened over the years
That hilarity
that dichotomy of race
That beating spirit

Those stories
Those genetic hindrances
I realize now.

But mother
You are always in this hand
in these fingers that
scribble on note pads
or drill pencils down to nubby
little scraps of pollution

I will claim you one day soon
I will rename you
mother
I will climb up to your stature
and reclaim the placenta
I betrayed for pride.

Deliverance

From within must spring the end of this
I am humbled from the place that
ego built like babel
reach in and cause change
I am bleeding internal
Knees build
mistakes recognized
visions plain
maggots swarm this place
and if it is death I am edging towards
inevitably
Then I request only to reach soon

giver of dreams
blessor of spirits
I belie you
lift this load from me
I feel I cannot sustain
smashed together are particles of brain
who does not think
a paradox I fail to disengage

Send back to earth for this one
a fallen angel
a needy spirit
Hands clasp throat
as neck levels with ground
and there is only one prayer to be recycled
One utterance
Here you will find no request
for beauty
or lavish dreams
One wish
One request
One penchant outside of this
Savior
Deliverance
Please.

I am teller of lies
and story

I concoct image by ripping apart self slowly
hoping to fuse together each new crack
in the mirrored glass of my being
praying such is done before one sees it was
ever there
and ever hopeless
I long for freedom
long for spirit to fly
long for the silted crevices of this cocoon
To burst free yielding someone I recognize
yet fear brings me to familiar sands and
I pray for newness

I am ominous conceiver of child
confined to the unrelenting sway of
her Ima's spirit
Her Ima.

Before she could whisper she was gone
once idol hands now
clasp belly
where no longer life is
and sobs cannot bring her back
guilt cannot reclaim life
it is I who begged this to flee from me
this dream would be a forbearance undeserved.

I am heart song and demonizer
curled finger press against neck
ripping at hearts already far gone
begging for love I do not know
Asking for bondage
begging for cages
skies above
prove far more vast than these
wings have been trained to withstand
so I open my eyes and destroy
self
love
image
beauty
gifted
I am teller of stories
and lies.

Miami

Here is like a song
drum beat pulsating
biting at emotion
summoning heat from beneath clothing

Here i s like a writhing rhythm
one to dance
jiggle, move
stand up with fist in air or lay down
single water drop horizontally cascading
over mountain cheeks
and ashen lips

Here is rhythm and verb
impulsed to spring
up like ganja weeds
to cut down like militia
to blame to punish
to celebrate to honor


Here is never stagnant or stale
there will be no collected pool of water
settled over old sediment
imaginations reign
one hundred and eighty foot tree
dance sway like
excited tiny toes seek the climb
branches til apex becomes tangible

here is like a song
hip hop
indie
jazz
beat drops
and all else follows.